Saturday, June 6, 2009

David Hasselhoff book to be pulped after poor sales and scathing reviews.

A novel written by actor David Hasselhoff is set to be pulped after both dismal reviews and dismal sales. The book, which unites two characters played by Hasselhoff - Mitch Buchanan from "Baywatch" and Michael Knight from "Knight Rider" has been described by critics as "childish and appallingly written," "little more than a stunning act of narcissism" and "so bad it's terrible." The plot unites the two characters in a case involving stolen treasure and features Mitch using the car Kitt as a surfboard. Hasselhoff had previously announced that he hoped a film adaptation would follow and that he expected to play both roles.

Here is an extract:

"Oh, Mitch!" said Suzy, "How can I choose between you and Michael when you are both so damn hot and sexy?" At that moment, Michael Knight landed a fighter jet in the garden. Mitch waved and said "Hi!" to his friend.

"We need to get back on the case, Suzy!" said Michael, with a few beads of sweat rolling down his sexy neck. Meanwhile, Santos hid in the bushes preparing his gun to shoot both Michael and Mitch. But Mitch saw Santos's reflection in Michael's deep blue eyes and pounced on him. The two struggled for only a few seconds as Mitch's huge muscles soon subdued the criminal.

"Aah! What's this?" said Mitch, pulling out the hidden cocaine from Santos' pocket.

Suddenly, Kitt rode in and said "Hey guys, let's go!" They all drove off and chased the villains along an abandoned warehouse place. Mitch and Michael waved to a few screaming girls on the way. The girls clearly had never seen two such amazing and handsome men. Michael pressed the turbo-boost and threw the car above Rodriguez's car. Mitch and Michael jumped out in mid-air and landed on the car below. Michael ripped the car door open with his bare rugged hands. The two men punched Rodriguez; one from the left and one from the right, until Mitch's and Michael's fists met. They looked at each other and smiled. "You sure are handsome and popular," they both said at the same time as they flew up to the International Space Station!

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