Monday, September 28, 2009

Weird and wrong on so many levels...

Homeless Georgia sex-offenders directed to live in the woods, which is ironically where they...

Story here.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Kanye West redeems image following shock UN appearance.

Fresh concerns over health of footballer Paul Gascoigne.

Fresh concerns have been raised about the health of former England footballer Paul Gascoigne after he was photographed looking frail and unwell during a funeral service for England manager Bobby Robson held on Sunday. Gascoigne, aged 42, has battled to overcome alcohol addiction as well as mental health issues since retiring from the game. This has led to a somewhat gaunt appearance. However, "Gazza's" appearance during the memorial service for his former coach, who died of cancer on 31st July of this year has raised eyebrows.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Don't Hassle the Hoff (with talk of going to AA).

Former star David Hasselhoff

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Anti-Obama protestors say racist acronyms "accidental".

Anti-Obama protestors descending in their thousands on Washington D.C. on Saturday have defended the names given to several of their grassroots organizations, saying that their overtly racist acronyms are entirely coincidental.

For example the National Independent Group Guiding Elevated Reform (NIGGER) has stated that its title was guided entirely by a fitting description of its mission to prevent a "government takeover of our neighborhoods" its spokesman also adding "I just don't want this socialized healthcare moving into my street and imposed on my daughter."

Similarly, the Committee Organized to Oppose Nationalization (COON) and the Movement to Overturn the Nationalized Killing in the Everyday Young (MONKEY) have also denied any racial undertones to their opposition to President Obama's healthcare reform agenda. When the racist epithet was pointed out to "MONKEY" the group's spokesperson described it as "accidental" and "purely a coincidence". So far, Republicans, perhaps fearful of losing a key voting bloc, have refused to distance themselves from these groups.

A newly-founded group, the Organization Believing America Mustn't Accept Broad Insurance Nationalization Leading to Absolute Delivery Evaporation and Negligence (OBAMABINLADEN) has also denied such charges, stating on its website "This title simply best describes what is at the core of our philosophy."

Friday, September 11, 2009

How many Khans can you have in a single story?

From a BBC story:

1. "Muslim Khan was a key spokesman for the Taliban in the Swat valley."

2. "He was detained along with fellow militant Mahmood Khan, also reported to be one of the most senior Taliban commanders in Swat."

3. "The BBC's M Ilyas Khan in Islamabad says this is a significant milestone for the army's operation in Swat."


Thursday, September 10, 2009

John Boehner denies alcoholism in impassioned speech.

Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner gave an impassioned speech on Wednesday dismissing as false persistent rumors that he is a secret alcoholic. "I have an illness that precisely mimics the effects of alcoholism," said the Republican "From the reddish skin, to the gaunt appearance, to the slurred speech, to the glazed and unfocused eyes - this rare illness makes innocent sufferers appear that they are alcoholics when in fact they are not."

Boehner declined to elaborate on any precise details with regards to this "rare illness" but explained that "the disease even produces bacteria in the mouth that produce a strong alcohol-like smell that scientists say resembles the odor of something known as 'Jack Daniels'."

The US Representative also added that doctors had advised him that these bacteria in his body were strongly susceptible to large doses of ethanol and that he had been ordered to drink vast quantities of whiskey in order to defeat the disease. "Normally, this is something that I would never do, but I must follow doctors' orders. This ethanol medicine appears to be the best way to beat this thing, and I am doing my very best to increase my intake. I am asking people to please be tolerant of my appearance during this fight."

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

See? This absolutely proves it!

End of discussion!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Right-wing mob attacks Roger Federer during doctor's visit.

A right-wing mob has attacked Swiss tennis player Roger Federer during a routine doctor's visit in the US state of Wyoming. Federer, who is vacationing in the state, undertook a doctor's visit for a minor ailment, but was met by an angry crowd accusing him of wanting to destroy the US healthcare system.

The incident appears to have been caused by a typo in a series of "educational pamphlets" distributed to right-wing groups by a prominent lobbying front group representing US medical insurance companies. The pamphlet had the banner: "Say no to a federer take-over of healthcare!"

After receiving the pamphlets, one Wyoming-based Republican group apparently learned that the tennis star was visiting the area and immediately set out to ambush the man, yelling profanities and accusing him of being a "Nazi-communist!"

"He didn't know what the hell was going on," said one bystander.

The lobbying group has issued an apology for the typo. Yet, this isn't the first time such a mix-up has taken place. Last month, an angry mob in D.C. attacked Judy Feder, a Professor of Public Policy at Georgetown University after a similar typo in lobbyist-produced materials asked Republican groups to "Say no to Feder take-over."

"We have since undertaken several procedures to make sure that these errors don't happen again," said a spokesperson for the lobbyist group "The medical insurance companies have been very supportive and have agreed to provide $400 million for an entire fleet of spell-checkers."

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Fan outrage over planned Disney alterations to Marvel characters.

Spiderman fans have reacted with outrage at a newly-released image of their beloved icon, updated by the character's new owners. The image was released by Disney to mark its acquisition of Marvel Entertainment in a $4 billion deal sealed on Monday. But to many fans' dismay, Marvel's most famous character is apparently being updated by its new owners. "How can they do this? At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke," says Brad Timson, chairman of one of the dozens of Spiderman fan-clubs across the U.S. "They've slapped this idiotic smile on him and those big Bambi-esque eyes. It is really disgusting."

However, a spokesperson for Disney defended the changes: "We wanted to do something special to welcome this beloved character into the Disney family. We decided that the best way to update this great character was to widen his appeal to a broader audience. We believe these subtle changes will do that."