Sunday, November 30, 2008

Kate Bush slams Americans for choosing Obama.

80s pop-star Kate Bush has publically slammed Americans for electing Barack Obama president in November's historic election. The British-born singer has been a long time supporter of Republican candidate John McCain, and recently made her views public. "Just think about his name!" said Bush "I mean, Obama, Osama!! I wouldn't run for president with a name like that. It is scary." The comments were published on Ms Bush's website this week.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Err, Elton...

"And it seems to me, that you lived your life, like a candle in the wind..."

About those lyrics. What is the likeliest thing to happen to a candle placed in the wind?

It is going to be snuffed out.

Did you really want to sing that at Princess Diana's funeral?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Shatner accused of stealing gay spotlight.

Star Trek star William Shatner has been accused by fellow Trek actor George Takei of again trying to focus the attention solely on himself. The comments came as photos emerged of Mr Shatner in an apparent steamy embrace with an unknown male.

Is William Shatner, often accused by several castmates of being insensitive to the needs of others, again trying to steal the show? George Takei made headlines when he revealed he was gay last year - this year he married his longtime partner Brad Altman. So just what is Mr Shatner up to? Newsifact will try to get the answers.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Michael Jackson denies plastic surgery rumours.

Singer Michael Jackson (pictured below) continues to deny suggestions that he has undergone plastic surgery.

The troubled entertainer emerged from hiding (in a wooden box) yesterday and was snapped by photographers. "I feel just great!" said Jackson.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Gaffer Tape.

"Bitter Americans cling to guns and religion...Oh God, I just can't stop!"

Dustin Hoffman attacked during visit to Rwanda.

They heard he was a Tutsi.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Obama to save economy through use of own image.

The presidential transition team of Barack Obama has revealed the details of a complex economic rescue plan designed to stimulate the flagging US economy. Under the plan, failing companies would be permitted to use the image of Barack Obama on their products as well as for their corporate identities. During the current recession, economists have noticed that Barack Obama themed items are bucking the trend and experiencing staggering sales.

Some examples of the plan: Troubled car-maker General Motors would be allowed to print an image of Barack Obama on all cars produced, which analysts believe will instantly raise demand and thus stimulate the economy. "It is a brillaint idea!" said one GM manager "And the best thing is that the value of these items will only go up. We can sell this stuff on eBay in a few years for even more money!"

Meanwhile, failed financial companies such as Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac would be renamed "Barack Obama Fannie Mae" and "Barack Obama Freddie Mac" which is also expected to instantly propel their stock prices upwards. Even struggling home-owners are to be allowed to make use of the scheme. For example, neighbourhoods with falling house prices will be able to rename themselves "Barack Obamaville" or "Obamatown" etc.

"When the guy said he had a plan to save the economy, I never thought it would involve him," said one Wall Street trader, adding "The more stuff has his name on it, the better! Let the good times roll."

Monday, November 10, 2008

The true cost of Proposition 8.

The passage of Proposition 8, a controverial measure to outlaw recently enabled gay marriages in California will lead to an unusual arrangement, campaigners say. Gay couples that have already married will be forced to marry gay members of the opposite sex. Most notably, Star Trek actor Geroge Takei has been selected to marry fellow lesbian celebrity Ellen Degeneres.

Speaking of the decision, Mr Takei accused fellow Star Trek actor William Shatner of having a hand in the passage of Proposition 8 on November 4. "I'll have the last laugh. That toupee-wearing piece of ham will pay for this, I swear!" Takei and DeGeneres are set to be married next week - Mr Shatner has not been invited to the wedding.

Lame Duck.

"I'm just going to live out the rest of my life quietly."

Helping newspaper editors with future Obama headlines.

Obama does something to protect America: "Barack Ob-armour"

Obama reverses positions: "Backtrack Obama"

Obama's legislation fails to pass "Barack O'Bummer"

Obama goes to war: "Barack O'Bomber"

Obama AWOL: "Barack O'Gonner"

Obama goes on a hiking vacation: "Backpack Obama"

Obama charms a foreign leader: "Barack O'Charmer"

Secret Service hits Obama protestor: "Ba-Whack Obama"

More soon...

An exclusive celebrity greeting for Newsifact readers!

Alan Hawking, cousin of Professor Stephen Hawking greets Newsifact readers!

Listen to the message:

Stephen Hawking also recently announced the birth of a new baby (pictured below):

Friday, November 7, 2008

McCain 2012! The Mac is back!

Newsifact formally endorses the grassroots campaign to draft John McCain for the 2012 presidential campaign. Sign the petitions, knock on doors. The campaign begins today!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Geographical blunder sees Palin exiled to Siberia.

An apparent error by Governor Sarah Palin's long-time persoanl pilot saw the candidate landing in Russia's notorious Siberia region yesterday. Governor Palin was returning to her home state of Alaska following her ticket's defeat in the 2008 presidential election.

According to several reports, Palin did not realise that she had not landed in Alaska for several hours. Dmitrij Vostajnev, the arresting officer who later escorted her to a Siberian gulag recalled "She just kept calling me Joe Six-pack, and didn't even seem to notice that I was a Russian and that she was not in Alaska." The US Republican party has announced that it will not seek Governor Palin's release from Siberia until after 2012.

War of words erupts over who will portray President-elect Obama on film.

A war of words has broken out among several leading black Hollywood actors over who will play President-Elect Barack Obama in a potential future feature film. Summed up below are some of the arguments the actors have used.

Chris Rock:

"I made history in the 2003 film Head of State when I depicted a black president. That deserves some respect!"

Will Smith:

"I'm tall, skinny; I have the ears. Come on, I'm perfect for this!"

Denzel Washington:

"I always play serious black people. Any black person can play a rapper, but only I can play a black president. That is just a fact."

Sidney Poitier:

"Who cares if I'm too old? It has to be me! I'm the star of Guess who's Coming to Dinner? Now it's time for Guess who's Going to Be President!"