Friday, December 18, 2009

At Copenhagen summit, China emboldened by Joe Lieberman.

"60 votes? Hah! Your country doesn't have democracy either!" the Chinese PM tells President Obama.

'Danish Prime Minister Lars Rasmussen opened the gathering [at the last day of the Copenhagen climate change summit], saying that it is "not too often us leaders get a chance to chart out a new course for our planet." No such course was forthcoming. Minutes later, Chinese Premier Wen Jibao hailed his own nation's efforts to curb greenhouse gas emissions. But he offered no give on the key matters that had been raised by the United States: China placing its emissions reductions within a binding treaty and subjecting them to outside verification. Wen indicated that China would keep its emissions limits voluntary and unilateral.'

Sourced here.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tiger Woods' latest controversy: Once accidentally got golf and women the wrong way round.

He screwed a golf course...

And "It was a little painful, but pleasant too..." said one woman involved in the mix-up.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Huge "coincidence": Massive explosion in Iraq a day after political unrest in Iran.

"Quick, set off another bomb in Iraq so people don't focus on the shit we're doing to our own people!"

Monday, December 7, 2009

Saudis blame "warm polar bear" for melting sea-ice.

"This [above] picture proves it!" said Saudi oil minister Ali al-Naimi on Monday, adding "If those bears didn't warm up the ice by sitting on it, we'd be fine right now."

Recession means terrorists trying to get the most bang for the buck.

We report that Avatar is good, you still decide it's shit!

It's begun: Rupert Murdoch paper plugging shit and very expensive film made by Rupert Murdoch studio.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Picture sparks fresh concerns as "Blair can't even take a dump without being strangely self-conscious".

There are fresh concerns over the mental health of Tony Blair following the release of a picture of the former British Prime Minister sitting on a toilet. The picture was taken during a break from the recent negotiations in Brussels over the post of President of the European Council - a post which Blair ultimately lost to Belgian PM Herman Van Rompuy.

The person who took the picture has decided to remain anonymous, but insists that he took the photograph out of a concern for Mr Blair's mental state: "I went to the bathroom and heard a person apparently talking to themselves in one of the cabins," said the source "It was very strange. He was mumbling things like 'This will be a people's know...want you all know...understand...I cannot appease this turd any will stand turd to turd with all the turds and be a great turd...history will judge.' So I decided to force the door open to see what was going on and ended up taking a picture of Tony Blair on the toilet. And the weirdest thing was, that he was reading all of these things from a piece of paper, like he couldn't even take a s*#t anymore without convincing himself of his own historical greatness. The guy is clearly in denial."

The source for the photograph also added that he hopes the picture's publication will help rather than harm Blair "I mean, if this guy is self-conscious even while taking a dump in private, then maybe he needs some help. I hope my picture helps to move this process forward."

Meanwhile, Palestinians have been continuing their month-long celebrations following the failure of Mr Blair to win the EU presidency. "That means he will remain as a Middle-East peace envoy!" said one Palestinian in Ramallah "And this brings great joy and hope to all of us. He really is the man to get things done!"

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Frank Bough: Tiger Woods has gone too far.

Frank Bough, the seemingly wholesome BBC TV presenter who faced scandal in 1992 after it was revealed that he regularly visited sado-masochistic drug-fuelled orgies has hit out at golfer Tiger Woods. In a statement released to the media on Friday, Bough called on Woods to come clean regarding revelations that he was a serial adulterer: "Enough is enough. These sorded details are coming out drip by drip and it has to stop. He has gone too far and now he should come clean and face the music."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Lieberman: No-one will "connect the dots" about my lucrative post-Senate-career.

Senator Joe Lieberman (I- Connecticut) has dismissed reports that he has reached a secret agreement with medical insurance interests to oppose healthcare reform - one that promises Lieberman a very lucrative post-Senate career. "By the time my post-Senate-career begins, this current healthcare debate will be long over. No-one is going to care, frankly, about trying to connect the dots when they aren't there," said Lieberman at a press conference yesterday.

However, when pressed on the matter of whether he was opposing the so-called "public-option" favored by most Democrats for financial reasons, and in particular because he had been offered a multi-million dollar private-sector job in return, Lieberman remained coy: "Like I said, no-one will care by then what I do and frankly that is my own business. I don't rule out anything. Right now I am a Senator."

Lieberman, a former Democrat and vice-presidential candidate (on the Gore-Lieberman ticket in 2000) maintains a position in the Senate Democratic Caucus despite having left the party and endorsed Republican John McCain in the last presidential election. President Obama is believed to have personally lobbied to stop Democrats from stripping Lieberman of his current chairmanship of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs in light of the above.

The Senator has steadfastly opposed the inclusion of a public-option in the current Senate healthcare reform bill - critics have accused Lieberman of settling scores with Democrats after he lost a Democratic primary in 2006 to Democrat Ned Lamont. This led to Lieberman running as an independent - he won the election, although several opinion polls now put his re-election chances in 2012 at below 50%; other polls suggest a strong majority of Connecticut's voters support a public-option. Some have speculated that the Republican Party has privately promised not to field a viable candidate in Connecticut in the 2012 race in return for Lieberman's opposition to health-care reform. Yet, the Senator's latest comments appear to suggest different motivations may be at play.

Sun-Maid raisin company faces criticism over new image.

The US raisin-producer Sun-Maid Growers of California is facing heavy criticism over a recently unveiled decision to "update" the image of a female grape-picker that has featured in its logo almost since the co-op was founded in 1912. Sun-Maid has defended the change, which critics have described as "slutty" and "too sexy" - with a spokesperson for the co-op stating: "Now was the right time to update our image. We feel that this particular change simply better reflects the times in which we now live."

Full story here.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009