Thursday, April 30, 2009

Newsifact archives to go 3-D!

Newsifact can proudly announce that its extensive archives are now available to view in glorious 3-D, thanks to our friends at Viewmaster. To order your slide set and futuristic viewing device, just follow the link at the bottom of the page.

Three plus two dads to unite in megafilm.

Paramount Pictures has announced that the stars of the 80s comedy film "Three Men and a Baby" are to team up with the stars of 80s sitcom "My Two Dads" in a mega-dad movie. Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson and Tom Selleck from "Three Men and a Baby" and the later sequel "Three Men and a Little Lady" will be joined by Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan from "My Two Dads" along with Robin Weisman who played toddler Mary in the former films and Staci Keanan as Nicole Bradford from the latter show.

The plot will see five retiring dads moving in together to be looked after by Mary and Nancy, who are now hot twenty-something step sisters. There is also a fun twist as both girls are very promiscuous in their lives and fall preganant during the film - but who is the father? Up to thirty men will be lined up as possibilities! The film, to be entitled "Five Men and their Two Ladies" will be released in November.

Confusion as studio announces Matt Damon will star in upcoming The Golden Girls movie.

Widespread confusion has surrounded the announcement by Buena Vista studios that the upcoming The Golden Girls movie, based on the iconinc 80s TV comedy series, will star Matt Damon.

Commenting on the decision, the sudio stated "Obviously, the original format needed to be updated for the big screen. Matt Damon will star as the son of Golden Girl Dorothy. He will live with the daughter of the character Blanche and the ensuing sparks will be the focus of the film, which will be set in the future." It remains unclear whether the original characters, four elderly women who decide to live together in Miami, will appear in the movie at all. However, Buena Vista has confirmed that the original stars will not be involved, something made more final with the recent death of Dorothy Zbornak actress Bea Arthur.

Golden Girls fans have stated that they are "appalled" at the changes to the format.

R.I.P. anti-intellectualism.

All the major US networks (except Fox) clear their prime-time schedules to broadcast an hour-long live Q&A session with a former constitutional law professor who discusses a number of complex issues in great detail and also warns people to wash their hands to prevent the spread of Swine Flu!

I guess the Temptation Island era is over.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

We're tired of being "That guy from that film!"

Jason Robards (1922-2000)

Hal Holbrook (1925-)

Charles Dunning (1923-)

Peter Boyle (1935-)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Reports: Cheney, Rumsfeld arrested in D.C. park for "lewd conduct."

Reports have surfaced that former Vice President Dick Cheney and former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld were arrested on Tuesday in a Washington D.C. park for "lewd conduct." According to several witnesses, the two men disappeared into some nearby bushes carrying various pictures and materials related to 9/11, a strange white powder and several toy tanks. Police were called after visitors to the park heard unusual sounds coming from their location, just a few miles from the White House.

D.C. police are refusing to confirm the incident, and have denied reports that the toy tanks, white powder and 9/11 materials were being used, as has been suggested by some witnesses, for sexual purposes. Representatives for the two men have declined to comment other than dismissing the story as "overblown nonsense."

Monday, April 27, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Swine Flu.

"Is that rascal Jeeves ill again?"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Fox hires former president Bush to head animation commissioning department.

Fox Studios have announced that former US president George W. Bush has been appointed to be the studio's new Head of Commissioning for Animated Television.

"We believe that the President has a record of making the tough calls and staying the course," said one Fox representative, adding "He is simply the right choice." President Bush expressed delight at the news exclaiming "This is a real honor...and no, I won't be bringing back Futurama. They were right to cancel it based on the intelligence they had at the time."

Is this the new Susan Boyle?

She really does sing quite well.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Politico plays the unsubtle Obama-Osama dominoes game...

Two white guys looking left gesturing with their hands...snap. And...aaah...

UPDATE: Bin Laden changed to Holder! Players shuffled around!

This domino game is getting really exciting!

Madonna "Horrified" by Slumdog girl sale denial.

Pop star Madonna has said she is "horrified and appalled" by the news that Rubina Ali, the 9 year-old star of the recent film Slumdog Millionaire is not being put up for sale by her father Rafiq Qureshi. "That is like totally selfish," said Madonna "My private jet was like ready to fly out there and now I am f**ked."

On a related note - Making a great point through simple juxtaposition of two headlines and great use of a semi-colon. Well done Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

Is Dick Cheney a sleeper cell?

Ok, so he isn't dark skinned and his middle name isn't Hussein, but consider this:

In 1990, Dick Cheney (Then Defense Secretary under Bush Sr.) helped, with the aid of either faked or non-existent satellite imagery showing a massive troop build up on the Iraqi-Saudi border, to persuade that country that Iraq was about to invade it. So, the government there relented and let American troops into the Muslim holy land. Lots of people got really upset about that including one Osama Bin Laden.

Only later did the media discover that the whole "troop buildup" and "imminent post-Kuwait Saudi invasion" was a lie. See here or just Google "Cheney fake satellite Iraq."

Anyway, flash forward 11 years and you get 9/11. Was Cheney (now having succesfully chosen himself to be George W. Bush's running mate and scaling back focus on terrorism), kind of indirectly responsible?

Here is some weird speculation about further changes he underwent after 1993 - more programming from his terrorist masters?:

From Talking Points Memo

So in 2003, Cheney's fake intelligence fetish gets the US to invade a Iraq - a secular dictatorship - strenghtening Islamist Iran, causing loads of Muslim anger across the world etc. as well as getting the US to commit torture, open secret prisons... - all the stuff that made it far more easy to hate America...

...not to mention upping spending whilst cutting taxes for the rich - effectively guaranteeing the US goes bankrupt. And just in case that didn't work, de-regulating Wall St., thus causing the collapse of some of the biggest US companies...

So why does no-one ever ask if Dick Cheney is a sleeper cell? He's definitely been more effective at almost destroying America than Osama Bin Laden.

The moanings of a bailout wife...

A must read: Article from

And here NYmag uses rudimentary Columbo skills to figure out who wrote it.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Oh, Bill...

Bill Clinton reminisces about his time in the Oval Office - or any other of the million possible jokes that this picture conjures up.

Predator: "Girls are turned off by my name."

Irony hits latest Somali pirate venture.

Somali pirates have egg on their faces following their recent seizeure of a ship full of pirated copies of the Disney film "Pirates of the Caribbean".

"Very ironic," said one pirate following the incident. "Sometimes you have to just laugh," added Eric Pickles, chairman of the UK Conservative Party.

Hugh Grant to play London policeman in G-20 film.

English actor Hugh Grant has signed up to play a policeman in an upcoming film that will cover the recent G-20 protests in London in which police were accused of heavy-handed recklessness towards the public. According to Warner Bros, who are backing the film, Grant will play a "Bumbling, but ultimately loveable British Bobby, who is thrust into the middle of a violent wave of public disobedience." The film, to be entitled "G-20 Cop" will reportedly be a "charming" romantic comedy in the vein of "Wimbledon" or "Notting Hill."

Madonna to fly to India to try to to adopt Slumdog Millionaire cast.

Madonna has announced the latest leg of her "retail therapy buy a kid" tour. She is to fly to India this week to try to adopt members of the cast of the recent hit film Slumdog Millionaire. The news comes amidst reports that several of the children featured in the film are being put up for sale by their parents.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Is it too soon?

Stephen Hawking "very ill"...

Watching favourite Star Trek episode "The Menagerie" in effort to keep spirits high.

Photographers' obsession with taking pictures of Obama in front of "O"-like circles finally gets a bit too silly.

I mean come on. He looks like a rooster, or is it the NBC logo?:

Previous attempts were at least a bit more subtle: