Monday, July 16, 2012

Mitt Romney to "temporarily not be a candidate" during London Olympic visit.

US Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has announced that during his late July visit to the London 2012 Olympic Games, he will temporarily cease to be a candidate and have "no contact" with his campaign. "I will be very busy visiting the Olympics and have asked that my campaign back home continues independently and without my guidance while I am away," said Romney in a statement published on his website on Monday.

However, the news was greeted with skepticism and derision by political opponents almost as soon as it was made public. "Governor Romney is and will continue to be the presumptive Republican nominee while in London - and not only that but he has even scheduled two fundraisers during his stay in the UK. This is utterly preposterous," said Sally Royson, a spokesperson for President Obama's reelection campaign.

The statement by Romney comes amidst ongoing controversies over the former venture capitalist's post-1999 role at the company Bain Capital. The candidate has insisted that he played no active role at Bain while he was on leave assisting the 2002 Olympics held in Salt Lake City. The current statement regarding London appears designed to further reinforce this narrative. "We won't speak to him while he is gone and will make all decisions without his input," said David Lober, a senior Romney strategist, adding "the separation has been planned very precisely."

Monday, June 11, 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Nick Clog...

Is this the proof that Paul McCartney is not dead?


And now...?

Saturday, March 17, 2012

BREAKING: Mitt Romney captors release new hostage video.


Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney appeared broken and beleaguered in a new video made public by his captors on Friday. In the 20 second video, the clearly uncomfortable and terrified hostage is mockingly asked by one of his off-screen captors "What's for breakfast, Gov?".

The former Massachusetts governor - with pancakes in a Styrofoam container perched awkwardly on his lap - then nervously confirms that "I am [being held somewhere] in Rosemont, Illinois," before describing the meal he is supposedly eating. The FBI believes he is being coerced into presenting a normal facade in an effort by his captors to prove to the public that he is not being mistreated and remains well fed.

Forced to smile.

However, Professor Lee Harrington of the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology believes that the video easily shows that all is not well. "I've studied the video several times since it was released hoping to decode any unconscious and also covert body-language and facial signals that the captor may be trying to convey," says Harrington. "And there are clear signals here, which suggest that Mr. Romney is under an extraordinary amount of psychological stress - this is a horrendous ordeal for him, despite the superficial and forcibly affected rosy facade."

Terrified - Mitt Romney forced to perform for the camera.

The professor pointed to several specifics he spotted in the tape. "Notice the cowed position and the forced smile at the end. Also notice that Romney doesn't even swallow the food before him - perhaps the pancakes are just for show too and his captors won't really allow him to eat them. This is someone who is really at the end of their tether - an absolutely broken man. I'm really not sure how much longer he can take the humiliation of this."

The brief video released by Mitt Romney's captors on Friday.

Mr. Romney has been held hostage since June 2, 2011. For months, his captors have been releasing increasingly incoherent (and often contradictory) "statements" and videos by their captor. However, the authorities - who have thus far failed to locate where Romney is being imprisoned - continue to remain in the dark over the demands of the hostage takers. "This whole thing is truly weird," said one FBI source who requested to remain anonymous. "But despite the creepy and odd nature of this whole affair, our main focus remains on releasing the Governor from this clearly horrendous ordeal."

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Monday, August 8, 2011

Obama announces "historic" manned mission halfway to Mars.

US president Barack Obama has announced a "bold and historic" American-led mission that will see humans traveling halfway to the planet Mars a decade from now. The NASA mission, set to begin in 2022, will involve astronauts traveling approximately 100 million miles towards the Red Planet before turning around and heading back home.

President Obama hailed the trip as a significant compromise, noting "There were those who argued we should travel all the way to the Red Planet, while others argued that we should not go at all. I rejected these extremes and believe that this compromise will significantly bend the curve towards an ultimate full Mars trip some time in the future."

President Obama announced the "compromise" trip during a national address from the Oval Office.

The spacecraft that is set to carry six astronauts on the one year round trip is currently being designed at NASA. It will be half fueled by a revolutionary ion propulsion system and half fueled by coal. The compromise came after several Republican Senate leaders threatened to filibuster the trip if fossil fuels were not part of the mix.

As for funding, Obama had insisted that the roughly $30 billion trip be paid for by increasing taxes on the wealthy, who currently enjoy some of the lowest rates in decades. However, after much wrangling in Congress, a "compromise" was hammered out with Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell in which half of the costs will come from cuts to welfare programs and half from tax cuts.

Critics have dismissed the "compromise" mission - the first major trip of its kind since the final manned moon mission in 1972 - arguing that President Obama should have fought for a full Mars trip. "What's the point of this?" asked Dan Slammons, a former NASA engineer. "Either you're going to Mars or you're not. To have the astronauts travel half way and then return is just humiliating and, frankly, makes America look ridiculous in the eyes of the world."

Responding to these criticisms in a recent interview on the US network ABC, President Obama stated "This is the deal we got. It is historic because it means that for the first time, humans are going to be heading for Mars. That is something we can all be proud of."

Men on Mars? Not this time.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Newsifact correction on "Murdock tries fo save Face" story.

Newsifact recently ran the following pictures under a story entitled "Murdock tries to save Face".

The correct headline should have been "Murdoch tries to save face" and the correct picture is below. We apologize for the error and any confusion it may have caused.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Obama baby throw goes terribly wrong...



Thursday, February 24, 2011

English footballer Paul Gascoigne in direct talks with Gaddafi.

Paul Gascoigne photographed yesterday leaving Colonel Gaddafi's compound in Tripoli.

It has been confirmed that former England footballer Paul Gascoigne is in Libya, trying to persuade embattled leader Colonel Gaddafi to step down.

Gascoigne or "Gazza" achieved fame playing for the England national squad in the 1990s, but has been plauged by alcohol and drugs problems in recent years. Last July, the former footballer famously tried to persuade crazed gunman and former nightclub security guard Raoul Moat to surrender himself to police in Northumbria, England. Moat had shot his ex-girlfriend as well as her new partner and after days in hiding, was cornered by police - but the Gascoigne effect had no impact: after a long standoff with police, Moat shot himself.

Raoul Moat.

This time, Gascoigne hopes to have more success. The footballer told reporters yesterday that he flew out to Libya after watching events unfold on television. "Fortunately, the Colonel was a football fan and knew who I was" said Gascoigne, "So I was allowed in to talk to him." Mr Gascoigne is now trying to persuade the Libyan leader to relinquish power and avoid further bloodshed in his country. "He's a good man," said the former footballer, "Just give him some time and he'll do the right thing."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Gaddafi spotted?

Monday, December 13, 2010

Britain's shame: comedian Ronnie Corbett implicated in royal attack.

London police have confirmed the existence of CCTV footage proving that comedian Ronnie Corbett (80) was one of the chief ringleaders in student riots last week. The protests took place last Thursday as parliament approved a controversial hike in student fees. During the demonstrations, a small minority rioted, including attacking a car carrying heir-to-the-throne Prince Charles and his wife Camila.

Police have been studying video recordings of this incident in order to bring the perpetrators to justice. Witnesses described a man resembling Corbett at the scene, adding that it was he who smashed the window of the car carrying Charles and Camilla. The reports were initially dismissed as far-fetched, but have now been confirmed by police, who say they intend to bring the eighty-year-old comedian in for questioning. Mr Corbett has yet to publicly comment on the matter.

Ronnie Corbett came to widespread prominence in 1966 after starring in a famous sketch along with comedians John Cleese and Ronnie Barker, which parodied the British class system.

He later starred alongside Ronnie Barker in the variety show The Two Ronnies, which ran from 1971 to 1987. In recent years, Corbett has bee less active in the public arena - or so it was thought.

"What has Britain come to when one of our most renowned comedic figures partakes in this kind of disgraceful conduct?" asked The Sun newspaper yesterday. Similar sentiments have echoed across the country. Radio DJ James Whale had the harshest words for Corbett, "If it's true that he was involved, he needs to be treated like the scum that he is. I have no sympathy for him at all: beat him in the same way that he beat the royals and then kick him so hard that he realises the kind of low-life scum that he is. That's the way to deal with sub-human trash like that; it's the only way that Britain's black sheep will learn."

James Whale - not happy

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Mark Chapman and Karl Rove - eerie resemblance.

John Lennon's killer Mark Chapman and Republican operative Karl Rove - eerily similar-looking (note the cold eyes). Both killing liberal dreams the hard way...

Monday, December 6, 2010

David Beckham invited to Hungary to solve government farming subsidies row.

English footballer David Beckham flew out to Budapest yesterday to mediate a dispute between Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán and a renegade bloc in his governing Fidesz party. The dispute centers around perceived regional differences in farming subsidies allocated by the Hungarian government. "It's become a real game of political football," said Orbán of the invite, "So I thought that maybe Mr Beckham would be the right man to help us."

Speaking at Heathrow Airport, London prior to his departure, Mr Beckham stated that he would "Do everything in my power to try and bring the two sides together," adding that "It was a real honour to be asked to help."

Monday, November 29, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

Exclusive image from new Austin Powers movie.

Austin Powers is back with filming underway for a third sequel in the Bond-spoofing comedy series starring Mike Myers. The as yet untitled project marks Austin Powers' return to the silver screen after an eight year absence following the movie Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002).

Judging from the exclusive images published here, the series will continue its nods to the cartoonish villains of the 1960s. Mike Myers is again reprising both the role of the chief protagonist, the main villain as well as a mysterious new bad guy who appears to be a parody of the character "Oddjob" from 1964's Goldfinger.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Kevin Spacey to portray footballer John Terry in BBC movie.

It has been confirmed that actor Kevin Spacey will portray England footballer John Terry in a BBC TV movie to be produced later this year. The movie will centre around Terry's World Cup campaign, specifically the recent machinations surrounding his short-lived revolt against manager Fabio Capello.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Yet another person that Michael Sheen could play...

...Tony Hayward, head of BP.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Predator drone.

"Have I mentioned that I was in two Predator movies? Kind of reminds me of a story my grandfather told me about the Second World War. It was 1939 and this man was driving a car, which had just been repaired. By the way, it was raining that day and..."

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Sun newspaper faces criticism over "Is Clegg Gay?" headline.

The story appeared in the first edition of The Sun and has since been withdrawn. Nonetheless, the Press Complaints Commission has confirmed that it is undertaking an investigation.

Ashley Cole faces flight ban after Iceland incident.

A huge cloud hangs over the future career of England Premier league player Ashley Cole following an incident in an Iceland frozen food store yesterday. According to witnesses, Ashley Cole erupted during a visit to an Iceland store in London's Heathrow airport while waiting to board a flight. The incident allegedly occurred after the footballer was told that the store did not sell lava lamps. He then "exploded" and started spewing obscenities at staff with authorities immediately taking the precautionary measure of banning Cole from flying in European airspace. Authorities suggest that the Chelsea star will be barred from flying for several days until "he cools down a little" said one official at Heathrow.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sky News denies bias in wake of cow mooing "vote Cameron" story.

Rupert Murdoch-owned UK broadcaster Sky News denied accusations of bias yesterday after broadcasting a segment featuring a cow whose moo, the report suggested, sounded like "vote Cameron". Despite UK law requiring broadcasters to maintain a neutral perspective, critics argue that Sky News has used every opportunity to paint Conservative Party candidate David Cameron in a positive light, over-emphasizing positive stories, while downplaying recent poll gains made by Liberal Democrat rival Nick Clegg.

Sky News political editor Adam Boulton denies the network is trying to become a British version of Fox News.

Sky News has vigorously defended this latest accusation, with political editor Adam Boulton arguing that "The cow story was meant to be, we really felt that it's mooing sounded like 'vote Cameron'." Mr Boulton also defended the channel's decision to analyse the potential negative implications for Nick Clegg in light of the cow's moo, arguing that "We thought it a legitimate question to ask: if even cows are mooing for Cameron, then Clegg might be in real trouble. That's an entirely objective question to ask."