Friday, September 26, 2008

US Congress passes $700 billion plan to reset clock to 2000 in "Dallas-style" twist.

The US Congress has agreed to a controverisal $700 billion plan to completely wipe the last eight years from history. Under the plan, on November 4th, the 2000 Democratic presidential candidate Al Gore will appear in the shower and be told by his wife Tipper that he has just won Florida and thus the 2000 presidential election. The plan will closely mirror a similar scene in the 1980's soap Dallas, in which the character of Bobby Ewing was revived from the dead by making previous events - including his death - a dream.

Al Gore has reportedly agreed to the plan, which will involve asking every citizen of the US to reset their clocks and calendars and pretend that it is November 2000 again and Al Gore has just defeated Republican candidate George W. Bush. Issues such as the existence of the Twin Towers, Enron, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac etc. will be blamed on a huge hurricane, which, according to the plan, "took place while everybody was sleeping." The plan also has a "realignment" clause, in which the US will slowly catch up to present time by setting clocks to tick 21% faster. Thus, the US will match real global time by 2012.

In a statement about the proposal, congressional leaders urged the national to go along "We are in such a mess, that this really is the only way out. Even President Bush understands that."

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