California legislation sees Van Damme become first person to marry his own ass.

Exposing a loophole in new California legislation allowing same-sex marriages, on Saturday action star Jean-Claude Van Damme became the first person to marry his own ass. The ceremony attended by several fellow action stars including Chuck Norris and Stephen Segal took place at a Hollywood registry office and involved attaching a complex series of mirrors to Van Damme enabling him a direct view of his own ass. Following an exchange of vows, a doctor temporarily removed one of Van Damme's vertebrae enabling the action star to seal the marriage with a loving kiss.

Van Damme was able to marry his own ass after lawyers discovered that the law enabling same sex marriages in California included some "fuzzy language". They successfully argued that such marriages could involve only one person, or even take place between different body parts. In a statement to the press, Van Damme noted "For years, narcissists have been discriminated against. Now we finally get justice. My ass and I are going to have many happy years together."