Blair: "I will be the people's president."

Standing in front of the European Parliament building in Strasbourg, France, Tony Blair told reporters Friday morning that if he were elected as Europe's first president, he would be "The people's president." Mr Blair, holding a mug of coffee in one hand, with the other lodged in his pocket, added: "Look...this is totally spontaneous. I just wanted to come out here and let you know what is in my heart. Having completed my mission as Special Middle East Envoy, I now seek a new arena to which I can bring my unique abilities to get results."

Following his short statement, Mr Blair returned back the EU parliament building, declining to answer reporters' questions. Mr Blair's hopes of becoming EU president (a post stipulated by the Lisbon Treaty) are viewed as realistic but fading, particularly because of the former UK PM's support of former US president George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq. At the time, Mr Blair is said to have viewed himself as a Churchillian figure destined for greatness for shunning the apparent "appeasement" of Saddam Hussein. Later, this "delusion" left an indelible stain on his premiership, which ended in 2007.

Sage advice...

"Think about other people's feelings too."

Peter Falk slams Brown and Griffin.

"They are a disgrace to one-eyed people everywhere!"

German football coach discusses latest match.

Germany Go Forward

by Joachim Loew

Germany SWEPT the board with their latest 1-0 victory against Russia on Saturday ensuring entry into the World Cup finals. How did we do it? I told the players that they had to COMB forward in the first half. The important thing was to THICKEN UP the right flank, and then for the strikers to PART by the box and create a SCISSOR-like formation, which would CROP the other side's defences.

At the start, I made sure that they knew that this team had to GEL. Only then would they have a chance of SPRAYING the Russians with goals. In the end, the team really SHINED. They had TONED their STYLE to the point that they had both VOLUME and BOUNCE. I was really proud of the way the players WEAVED through the opposition. I felt like I had GROOMED our side into great squad; the style of play was like MOUSSE - both thick and fluid at the same time. We had avoided being LOCKED into a single strategy. Instead, we could TRIM out the fat and BRUSH up on our techniques as the match progressed. The silver-lining came when we CURLED in the winning goal. Our FANS were truly delighted! They ROLLED around joyously and praised the CONDITION of our squad. But I don't want to WAX lyrical. After the players have WASHED and DRIED, it will be time to focus on the next challenge.

Berlusconi attacks Zimbabwean PM during official visit.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi violently attacked Morgan Tsvangirai during the Zimbabwean Prime Minister's official visit to Italy on Tuesday. Following a policy-oriented meeting between the two men in Rome, Tsvangirai emerged battered and brusied and told reporters that the Italian PM had mauled him. Tsvangirai was then taken to a local hospital where he stayed until the following day. This is the first time that the Zimbabwean PM has been physically attacked by forces other than those connected to President Robert Mugabe's ZANU-PF party.

Shortly after the attack, a relaxed Berlusconi boasted to the press about what he had done: "The guy was clearly part of a left-wing plot against me. By the way, I would have tried to screw his wife, but she died recently and I'm not into necrophilia." said the Italian PM. Snap polls suggest that the indcident has boosted Berlusconi's ratings among the Italian public.

BREAKING: Jordan to recognize Israel.

"I've been reading an atlas, so it won't be long before I can recognize it! I found Italy the other day - it looks like this big shoe!"

Cheney: Obama should have threatened IOC with rival Games.

Reacting to Chicago's losing bid to host the 2016 Olympic Games, former Vice-President Dick Cheney said on Friday: "President Obama should have been tougher with the International Olympic Committee - if they don't select Chicago, then the US will go it alone and hold its own Games. I really feel that the President made a mistake by not demonstrating that there would be major consequences for an unfavorable decision. He should have literally twisted IOC member's arms, not just figuratively."

Mr Cheney also added that a rival Games could still go ahead, albeit with very different rules to the Olympics: "There would be two teams: a team of allies led by the US, and a team of those who oppose us. We would be fighting for good, so we wouldn't need any rules or restrictions. The other side might have a little trouble getting into the US!"

Brazil, which won the 2o16 Olympic bid "Would then have to decide whether it really wanted to host a rival Games" added Cheney "As that would be something that would cause us great offense."

John Bolton

Reacting to Mr Cheney's comments, former Bush-era UN ambassador John Bolton describled them as "The most sane suggestion I have heard all week."