Carrie Prejean loses her crown.

She woke up one morning and couldn't find it. But then she found it in her cupboard. Not much of a story really...

The Star Trek film they should have made...

Brian May hasn't lost the touch...

Another business now going the way of GM...

Roxana Saberi was released from an Iranian prison today. Story here.

UK PM Gordon Brown slammed for latest "lame" attempt to connect with voters.

The Obama effect? Nerds suddenly having to fight off women!

"We love it when you talk nerdy!"

"Did you know that the space station model from Star Trek I was reused in Star Trek II , but was turned upside down so it would look different?"

"Oooh, stop!!"

And this from a 2008 Newsweek article on Obama: “That’s an interesting belt buckle,” [Barack Obama] said to Michelle, mischievously. She feigned offense and said, “I am interesting, next to you. Surprise, surprise, a blue suit, a white shirt and a tie.” Obama grinned and bent down until he was almost at eye level with her waist. He jabbed a playful finger toward her belt buckle, and let loose his inner nerd. “The lithium crystals! Beam me up, Scotty!” Obama squeaked, laughing at his own lame joke as Michelle rolled her eyes.

Madonna expresses interest in missing Madeleine.

Click for larger image.

Post torture ban "24" struggles with storylines.

As this exclusive image from the upcoming series of "24" underlines, Fox producers appear to be having difficulties adjusting to the new post-torture environment characterised by US president Barack Obama. Upon assuming the presidency, President Obama banned the use of torture by the CIA and military. "24" starring Kiefer Sutherland emerged during the post 9/11 Bush era and featured agent Jack Bauer engaging in repeated acts of torture in order to prevent impending acts of terrorism. Now, rather than adapting to the new post-torture environment, Fox has decided to "take the series in a completely new direction," arguing that "without torture, we just can't imagine doing the show the way we did before." The revamped "24" features Jack Bauer living with his new girlfriend Suki in a happy house also inhabited by a friendly alien blob called Lopo. Bauer and Suki have 24 hours to find a fun snack hidden in the house by Lopo, who sings clues while teaching viewers all the letters of the alphabet.

A format that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"The series follows the adventures of the high-tech submarine seaQuest operated by the United Earth Oceans Organization (UEO), a global federation of nations, similar to the United Nations, which was created following a major showdown of nations that occurred circa 2017. The seaQuest was built by NORPAC (a military organization mentioned in the pilot) and given to the UEO after its creation. The storyline begins in the year 2018, after mankind has exhausted almost all natural resources, except for the ones on the ocean floor. Many new colonies have been established there and it's the job of the seaQuest and its crew to protect them from hostile nonaligned nations and to aid in mediating disputes. " You, what? See the Wikipedia article on Seaquest DSV.

Actors unsure about whether they should dislike each other.

"You play Sulu, but not Takei's Sulu, right? Can I come to your wedding?"

Windows warns users Republican policies may crash computers.

Windows users are being warned not to input Republican policy proposals into their computers until the software company issues an urgent patch later this month. Apparently, an overload of non-sequitur and contradictory GOP policies can cause computers running on Windows to simply crash. “You have seen those episodes of Star Trek where Captain Kirk talks alien computers into overloading,” said one Windows engineer “They start spewing smoke and saying ‘Error, error, does not compute!’ – well we are seeing increasing incidences of this occurring when users input too many GOP policy proposals.”

The engineer added that the company is working feverishly to fix the problem, which could affect as many as 25% of computers in the US.

Newsifact has been given access to some of the basic code that is causing Windows users so many problems (Warning - do not attempt to load this code into your computer):

Confidential memos. Click on images for higher quality

Happy Birthday to Newsifact.

Newsifact is one year old today! We launched in part as a reaction to the growing recklessness, excesses, egregiousness and collective failure to make tough choices (a.k.a. liked the idea of a satirical blog so copied it) of our good friends at Dark Beige who recently also celebrated their 1st birthday. Visit their satirical site to see what all the lawsuits are about.

Disney releases Sneezy-free version of Snow White to allay Swine Flu fears.

Disney have released a special digitally altered version of the animated classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (now six dwarfs) designed to allay fears over the recent global flu pandemic. The limited edition version, from which the character of Sneezy has been digitally painted out, will be on sale throughout the duration of the swine flu. "We just wanted to demonstarte to customers that we were doing all we could," said a spokesperson for the studio. Geroge Lucas is believed to have supervised the alterations.

Celebrities that look alike.

The West Wing's Bradley Whitford.

-and-

Mind control expert Darren Brown.


Canadian comedian Colin Mochrie.

-and-

Star Trek's John de Lancie

Guaranteed Swine Flu cure:

Madonna keeps Bush-Cheney era memory alive: "Yeah, but who gives a f#@*k!??!"

Story here.

Michael Jackson's very own personal narcissist dictator painting.

See very disturbing Vanity Fair article about Jacko's possessions here.

Taco Bell is given Swine Flu all clear.

Because there really is absolutely nothing even remotely Mexican about it.

A new twist on the Obama "O" picture.

Inside a bicycle wheel. Pretty cool.

Newsifact archives to go 3-D!

Newsifact can proudly announce that its extensive archives are now available to view in glorious 3-D, thanks to our friends at Viewmaster. To order your slide set and futuristic viewing device, just follow the link at the bottom of the page.

Three plus two dads to unite in megafilm.

Paramount Pictures has announced that the stars of the 80s comedy film "Three Men and a Baby" are to team up with the stars of 80s sitcom "My Two Dads" in a mega-dad movie. Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson and Tom Selleck from "Three Men and a Baby" and the later sequel "Three Men and a Little Lady" will be joined by Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan from "My Two Dads" along with Robin Weisman who played toddler Mary in the former films and Staci Keanan as Nicole Bradford from the latter show.


The plot will see five retiring dads moving in together to be looked after by Mary and Nancy, who are now hot twenty-something step sisters. There is also a fun twist as both girls are very promiscuous in their lives and fall preganant during the film - but who is the father? Up to thirty men will be lined up as possibilities! The film, to be entitled "Five Men and their Two Ladies" will be released in November.

Confusion as studio announces Matt Damon will star in upcoming The Golden Girls movie.

Widespread confusion has surrounded the announcement by Buena Vista studios that the upcoming The Golden Girls movie, based on the iconinc 80s TV comedy series, will star Matt Damon.


Commenting on the decision, the sudio stated "Obviously, the original format needed to be updated for the big screen. Matt Damon will star as the son of Golden Girl Dorothy. He will live with the daughter of the character Blanche and the ensuing sparks will be the focus of the film, which will be set in the future." It remains unclear whether the original characters, four elderly women who decide to live together in Miami, will appear in the movie at all. However, Buena Vista has confirmed that the original stars will not be involved, something made more final with the recent death of Dorothy Zbornak actress Bea Arthur.

Golden Girls fans have stated that they are "appalled" at the changes to the format.

R.I.P. anti-intellectualism.

All the major US networks (except Fox) clear their prime-time schedules to broadcast an hour-long live Q&A session with a former constitutional law professor who discusses a number of complex issues in great detail and also warns people to wash their hands to prevent the spread of Swine Flu!


I guess the Temptation Island era is over.

We're tired of being "That guy from that film!"

Jason Robards (1922-2000)

Hal Holbrook (1925-)

Charles Dunning (1923-)

Peter Boyle (1935-)

Reports: Cheney, Rumsfeld arrested in D.C. park for "lewd conduct."

Reports have surfaced that former Vice President Dick Cheney and former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld were arrested on Tuesday in a Washington D.C. park for "lewd conduct." According to several witnesses, the two men disappeared into some nearby bushes carrying various pictures and materials related to 9/11, a strange white powder and several toy tanks. Police were called after visitors to the park heard unusual sounds coming from their location, just a few miles from the White House.

D.C. police are refusing to confirm the incident, and have denied reports that the toy tanks, white powder and 9/11 materials were being used, as has been suggested by some witnesses, for sexual purposes. Representatives for the two men have declined to comment other than dismissing the story as "overblown nonsense."

I think you're missing the point...