John McCain announces he will perform his classic song "Bomb, Bomb Iran" from a major Muslim capital.

Defeated Presidential candidate Senator John McCain (R) has announced that he will deliver a "keynote" performance of his classic hit "Bomb, Bomb Iran" from a major Muslim capital next week.

The full details have yet to be announced, but the move is designed to further ramp up recent comments by McCain that President Obama should be taking a tougher line on the disputed Iranian elections - something that the White House has said would be inappropriate given that this could in fact help the current regime to frame the protests as American interference.

McCain's original performance in South Carolina.
This time the venue will be bigger, say aides.

McCain's original performance of "Bomb, Bomb Iran" based on the Beach Boys classic "Barbara Anne" came to light during the 2008 elections and caused the candidate something of a PR headache. However, with the apparent desire of the Republican Party to score some much-needed political points, McCain has now confirmed that he will "give an appropriate and alternative message to President Obama's 'apology tour' in the Muslim world with a live performance of 'Bomb, Bomb Iran'," which, as he put it "will hopefully help free Iran, the way President Reagan inspired the Prague Spring of 1968 in Czechoslovenia (sic)."

Soviet tanks crush anti-government protests in Czechoslovakia.

No Muslim country has yet confirmed that it is prepared to host McCain for the concert. Meanwhile, several key music-loving Republicans have stepped forward and offered to sing backing harmonies, including John Aschroft and Larry Craig.

Rehearsals are already underway.

The Onion issues apology after bringing reader to tears.

The satirical magazine "The Onion" hass issued an apology after a controversial article brought one of its readers to tears. "Our intention here is to do cutting satire, not for The Onion to make anybody cry," said a spokesperson for the company.

Britney Spears: "I won't comment on Iranian election."

Troubled American singer Britney Spears has announced that she will refrain from commenting on the disputed election in Iran. Speaking about the decision, Spears said "I don't want to give the regime any ammunition to use against Western values. It is best that I stay quiet on this subject."

India to finally lift Fisher Stevens travel ban.

The Indian government has announced that it will finally lift a more than twenty year ban preventing American actor Fisher Stevens from entering the country. The ban was put in place in 1988 following the release of the comedy film "Short Circuit 2" in which Stevens portrayed hapless Indian inventor Benjamin Jahveri. The film angered the Indian government at the time, particularly because Stevens has no Indian heritage and was essentially playing a stereotype, albeit a likeable one, in the two Short Circuit films.


Reacting to the news, Stevens said "I am absolutely delighted. I never meant to cause offense to anyone with this character and I am glad that we can put the matter behind us now." Stevens did not confirm whether he planned a visit to the country any time soon.

How to find potentially dangerous lunatics like James Von Brunn? Simple, go on Youtube.

For example, take this YouTube user "arpgi2" - age 23 (or so he claims) from the United States.

Latest comments: ""i HOPE THIS 'president' DIES! I think he will die from AIDS cause he is black, or blow himself up cause he is a fucking Sand nigger!"

"You are a fucking dumb ass! I love America but I hate those fucking libs, we need to kill them but after we kill those Arabs! God bless America!"

""Fucking fat ass lib! We need to kill them before they destroy us all! You are going to hell with all those Arabs, Michal Moor (sic)!"

"Jack Cafferty is a fucking asshole and needs to die! Plain (sic) is better than you, you bald fucker!"

""What the hell? How is this chink talk like an Austeralian (sic)? I bet she likes Aussie cock thats why she speaks it so well! You know what cum does to you."

He must be a lot of fun a parties!

Netanyahu uses optical illusion to explain why he wants Iranian revolution to fail.

It is all about relativism, get it?

(If not: the bar is the same color, but its surroundings alter your perception of it. So if the Iranian revolution succeeds in bringing about a moderate democratic government there, Netanyahu's self-destructive policies in Israel are suddenly going to stand out a lot more.)

How much money that Berlusconi wasn't saying something related to policy, or at all appropriate?

What are you going to do, shoot the TV?

Alternative joke: "Boys, I told you not to wear your work clothes at home!"

What happens when you morph together pictures of Bush and Ahmadinejad?

Yes, it is very, very creepy...

Go to morphthing.com to do your own custom morphs.

How Bill Hicks could help Iran's regime explain the latest video of authorities beating protesters...

"If you play the tape backwards, you see us help Mr King up and send him on his way." - The late, great Bill Hicks commenting on how L.A. police might explain the 1991 Rodney King beatings.

Drudge Report hails conservative comeback.

"Netanyahu effect" sweeps Middle East in wake of speech.

Just some of the reports coming in following Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu's speech on Sunday in which he accepted the concept of a Palestinian state, albeit it a de-militarized one with no control of its borders, airspace, with settlements still there, Palestinians having to walk around on leashes with muzzles over their mouths when outside, etc...

-Iran is to allow the opposition to hold rallies, provided there are no people present. It will also re-count all the votes cast in the election, so long as only one person does the counting - and no calculators, pens or paper allowed.

-Saudi Arabia to allow women full human rights, but only so long as they stay in a small shed whilst exercising those rights.

-In Afghanistan, the Taleban is reportedly going to stop all terrorism, provided that the government surrenders "its right to govern."

-In the US, Norm Coleman is going concede the Minnesota Senate race to Al Franken, so long as Franken admits that Coleman really won.

-China to recognise the independence of Tibet, just as soon as it sees those flying pigs in the sky.

US medical insurance companies announce temporary coverage cutbacks to pay for anti-healthcare reform advertising.

Several of the US's top medical insurance providers have announced that they will be cutting back on certain forms of healthcare coverage for customers in order to "focus our resources on preserving the system of coverage that we provide." The announcement was made today by a coalition of healthcare companies calling themselves "Conservatives for Patient's Rights." From today, they will cut back on coverage for areas including diabetes, broken bones, heart conditions and several chronic diseases."

Instead, the money that would have been used for patiens will be directed towards persuading Congress not to enact major healthcare reform that includes a public option. The coalition has defended the decision, saying "these temporary cutbacks may inconvenience our customers in the short-term, but in the long-term, we hope that they will understand that we are working for their needs by moving forward with an aggressive marketing campaign that defends their rights as consumers."

China ready to assist Iranian people...

"We have these great internet filters we could give you, then everything would seem OK."

How would Fox News conservatives have treated Abraham Lincoln?

Extremist alien entity from Star Trek not a big fan of Obama's foreign policy objectives.

Upcoming Netanyahu speech leaked: Full text.

Full text of Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanjayu's speech to be delivered June 14th 2009:

My fellow citizens, I stand before you today at this historic moment to explain some of the contradictions in our country that Israel-haters use to fuel their anti-Semitism. First, how can we occupy a people in the West Bank which we claim as part of Israel and yet at the same time, make some who reside there non-citizens, who cannot vote or in any way be a part of the country that occupies them? The answer is simple. If these Arabs were part of Israel, then the Jews would become a minority in our own country. That, we cannot allow. The Arabs have plenty of land in Jordan, so these so-called "Palestinians" should go there, or they can live on comfortable reservations we create for them within Judea and Samaria, but they should know that more settlers can move in around them at any time, with special roads and walls, and mainly on hills looking down on them from above. Why? Because!


Basically, my fellow citizens, settlement is a way of saying "You ain't welcome here" to these sand-niggers. I hope that explains that. I mean just look at the map of the settlements we have built. Kind of sealing off all the borders to neighbouring countries, taking all the water, if you know what I mean. Have you got the message yet? Non-Jews have been given the chance to live between roadblocks, check-points and walls if they really want to. What is wrong with that? God knows we are right.


Now, these people, the "Palestinians" - they don't want to become citizens of the country that occupies them; they want their own state on their own land. But that's just crazy. Just because everyone else in the world lives in a country that they are citizens of, why should they? Why can't the world have stateless people, anyway? Political correctness has gone mad! It is not so bad, you just have to learn to get used to it, the way that black slaves in the US knew what they had to do to make the beatings stop - there are always rules. We kind of experienced that type of humiliation once before, but now we have a homeland and we have learnt our... err...forget what I just said...

As for the settlers. You've heard rumors that we used innocent Jews from all over the world as part of this grand social experiement. Sending Russian and American Jews in particular to live in the West Bank; pumping them up with notions of a grand return and hoping that the whole "God wanted this" thing would mask the fact that we were basically stealing someone else's land and really just using innocent people in the process. Now they have homes there, and families; how can you possibly think of moving them? Well the answer is this, once and for all - After 1967, that land became ours. And if you own it, you do what you want with it, that is all that matters. Does it make me sad so see these people becoming crazed loons spraying anti-Arab graffiti on walls and burning Arab fields? No. It makes me proud not ashamed.

Wouldn't you treat people like that if you didn't want them in your house? And then all this terrorism these Arabs do, that just really makes you hate these people.

So, ladies and gentleman. That is my grand vision for peace. The world hates us, so we shouldn't care. Our case is unique, so no global rules apply. Their terrorism versus the sins of our settlement? We win that argument. Their crappy, petty Arab dictatorhips versus our democracy? We win that one too. Thank God for our neighbors - it makes us look a lot less bad! So what we need is...mmm...where am I going with this? Excuse me. Iran's nuclear ambitions are what we should all focus on. Nothing else!! Let's hope they don't have a revolution and start sounding more normal. Suddenly everyone would be accusing me of being one of the biggest loons in the Middle East.

Now, we all know that the best decisions are made during psychotic fear. Look at America in 2001-2003; that was clarity of thought! The black and white of good and evil. Fellow citizens, we need to remain afraid, not give in to this liberal rationalism! "Boo!" see? When a terrorist bomb can go off anywhere, anytime, that makes you see things a little more clearly, doesn't it? So, in that spirit, we must, repeat must, ignore the fact that many of our own Jewish citizens support two states and peace - this exposes us to dangerous internal divisions. We must reject those Jew traitors among us who whine on about the humanity of the "Palestinians." It is us Jews, us victims, all united and all the same, versus them, the sand niggers. Now, let us all rise in common purpose: Grab a spade, and a brick, and a gun - more settlements! God bless our right-wing vision and fuck the rest!

Katherine Harris applauds Iranian election results - declares process "free and fair."

Katherine Harris, the Former Republican Florida Secretary of State who rose to prominence during the notorious 2000 Florida Bush-Gore recount, has applauded the "re-election" of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Speaking from Tehran, where she had been brought in by the government to monitor the election process, Harris declared that the surprising and some say suspect 63% victory by the incumbent Ahmadinejad, was indeed proper and that the elections were conducted in a "free and fair" way.

Voting for change.

Ahmadinejad's main opponent Hossein Mousavi was widely expected to force the incumbent into a second-round runoff or even defeat him outright, spurred on by an progressive alliance of young voters, which reports suggest had turned out in droves. However, the authorities appear to have dampened that hope, with reports of fraud and other vote-rigging widespread. SMS text messaging, a key way that Mousavi had rallied voters, has been blocked by the authorities since Friday, while police are moving in to prevent any demonstrations by the oppostion. Commenting on the continued reports of vote-rigging and intimidation, Harris said "This is just sour grapes. The time has now come to move on."

Ahmadinejad supporters.

Ahmadeena-hanging-chad

Reports: Madonna and Octomum close to "major mass production deal".

EXCLUSIVE: Massive presidential birth certificate scandal exposed!

In this massive Newsifact story, we can exclusively reveal the details about the US presidential birth-certificate story of the century. Yes it is true! Martin Sheen, who played President Josiah Bartlet in "The West Wing" is actually - and his birth certificate proves it - called Ramón Gerardo Antonio Estévez and has dual US-Irish citizenship! Seems the right-wing nuts were right after all! Quick, burn your DVDs of the West Wing!!!

How much extremism is really just tied to extreme views of women by men?

Exclusive: Dick Cheney to star as bad guy in new Scooby Doo.

For some reason, Iran's election now hangs on Ohio!

From Huffington Post

Let's hope the Iranian election...

...doesn't turn out like Bush v Kerry '04

"You finally did it! Damn you. Damn you all to hell!" Stop remaking great films into shit ones!!!!

North Korean regime's new attention-seeking tactic: farting at the UN General Assembly.

North Korea has unveiled its latest desperate attention-seeking ploy: instructing its ambassador to the UN Song Ryol Han to produce loud farts during meetings of the General Assembly. Yesterday's UN General Assembly meeting was particularly forceful as is underlined by the official UN transcript:


French Ambassador: Resolution 43-2 paragrapgh 3 on soil erosion in sub-Saharan Africa should-

North Korean Ambassador: (Loud flatulence)

Chairperson: Please continue.

French Ambassador: Yes, as I was saying, soil erosion continues-

North Korean Ambassador: (Loud prolonged flatulence)

Chairperson: Let's just try to-

North Korean Ambassador: (Loud prolonged flatulence)

Mongolian Ambassador: I, would like to...request a ventilation recess.

Spanish Ambassador: Second.

North Korean Ambassador: (Very loud prolonged flatulence)

Chairperson: Order! A recess of half an hour is granted.

The North Korean ambassador prepares for another round of disruptive flatulence.

North Korea's Ambassador has denied rumours that he has been overdosing on beans and cauliflower in order to fulfill the wishes of the leadership back home, however, he did confirm that he was the source of the flatulence "We demand to be noticed and respected by the world!" said Song Ryol Han, letting off another loud fart "And this is the best way we know."

Old fat white dog: "I hope Bo Obama fails."

Bo Obama dismissed the comments while speaking to reporters outside the White House. Pointing to an old-looking patch on the lawn, he said "I inherited this mess."

Massive re-launch planned for Space Shuttle.

Actually happens quite often...

Newsreader's wife leaves him after one too many bad bedroom jokes.

The wife of an Australian newsreader has filed for divorce after her husband's "constant repetition of a very bad joke" during the act of sex. "We would begin making love," said the wife "And he would suddenly say 'this just in' in his newsreader voice. It really wasn't very funny and was actually quite off-putting. And then just as I was about to, shall we say, conclude, he would say 'I'm sorry, but we've run out of time. I'm going to have to cut you off there.' I just decided that it had happened one too many times."

Irony as Jane Seymour announces cataract operation.

A sense of widespread irony has greeted the announcement by actress Jane Seymour (58) that she is to have an operation designed to remove cataracts in her eyes. The actress known for roles such "Solitaire" in the James Bond film "Live and Let Die" and also the television series "Dr Quinn Medicine Woman" has evidently been seeing less not more in recent years, necessitating the operation.

Jane Seymour today.

President Obama hails return of Futurama: "Another important step towards restoring America."

The White House has responded to the official announcement by Comedy Central that it is has ordered a full and brand new 26 episode season of the previously cancelled animated show Futurama. In a press release issued today, the White House said: "This is an important step towards restoring America. The cancellation of Futurama was one of the biggest mistakes that occurred during the previous administration. This announcement underscores that the future is offically back, baby!"